Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
