I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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