M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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