you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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