great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
