'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
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