Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
