How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
