dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
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Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
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Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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