Ambien. No doubt about it.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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