..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
