Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Randomize
