and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I love having hate sex.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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