five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
