if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
