words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
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I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
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Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
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