my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
