Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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