My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
