Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
