i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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