You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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