I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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