Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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