you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
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