Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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