we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
