At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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