Michael Bay diarrhea
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
