hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
