I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
