I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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