i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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