You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
