u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Randomize
