You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
That accounts for only three of the penises
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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