god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
