just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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