he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
