i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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