She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
