I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
