Your face is a jimmy john
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Randomize