Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Randomize
