i just wanna soil my oats bro
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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