If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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