It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
