I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
he thought i was a dude.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
