When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize