I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
