You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize