if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
