made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Randomize
