then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
