You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Randomize
