we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
