These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
