I faked an abortion last night.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
