i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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