gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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