Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
