do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Randomize
