My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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