just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
