He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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