Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
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