there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
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I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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