A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
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