Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
