I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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