I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
