Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
