i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
