Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
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