Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
