my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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