woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
