after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
