We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
